I stumbled across the (obvious imitation of a more popular) blog Stuff White Trash People Like while attempting to fill out my blogroll … It’s funny, but, upon closer inspection, I also find it a bit mean-spirited. But, it’s the old principle of, I can make fun of my siblings all I want, but when YOU do it … you’re an asshole. I was a member of the (nearly defunct) LJ community Redneck Riviera for years, and liked it better, as the contributors are all real rednecks and not people saying mean things about rednecks. Though it’s OK if *I* say mean stuff about White Trash and rednecks, of course, because I was forced to go to elementary/middle/high school with a bunch of FFA shitkickers … ;p
Anyway, here’s a little list of my own — ahh, imitating the imitation LOL … (Though, of course, I’ve been blogging about White Trash “studies” for several years now …)
More Stuff White Trash People Like …
Let’s start with vacation destinations …
1. Gatlinburg, Tenn. — Set against the beautiful backdrop of the Great Smoky Mountains is this mecca of tacky gift shops, taffy-making stores, chintzy museums such as Ripley’s Believe it or Not! (one of which burned to the ground in 1992 or so, and I think was subsequently rebuilt) and one featuring the Batmobile (the name of which I can’t remember), go-cart tracks where you have to be 14 to drive the fast cars but can drive on the slow track as long as you can reach the pedals, and, of course, Dollywood. Gatlinburg is right next door to Dolly’s hometown of Sevierville. Just FYI, I got my sex education as a child in Gatlinburg off of Big Johnson t-shirts.
2. Panama City Beach, Fla. — Panama City is part of the famed Redneck Riviera. From what I remember about both from my childhood vacations, all the buildings are pink and teal. I remember once my parents made the terrible choice of taking us there during spring break and we got to hear drunken University of Alabama students screaming “Roll Tide!” all night, and I looked out the window and saw how they’d spelled out “BAMA” with the wooden beach chairs. This was 1987-ish. Panama City also is home to ubiquitous tacky gift shops stocked with risque postcards featuring barely-clothed tan Hawaiian Tropic models, Rebel-flag air mattresses, and any and all apparel with beer logos. I remember at this time that personalized airbrush t-shirts with shredded and beaded bottoms were also all the rage.
3. Pamela Anderson — My cousin (from Panama City) adores her. She’s every white trash boy’s dream. Not to imply my cousin is white trash. But, you know. I need to “flesh” this one out. Awwwww … horrible joke. (I just looked at the Redneck Riviera site again, and yes, there’s Baywatch on the list of interests …)
3a. Kid Rock — Pam Anderson’s ex (as you know). I have also pointed this out previously …
4. Marlboro Lights — Just as we stereotype African-American folks for liking Newports, I think it’s safe to say that the cigarette of choice among the lower socioeconomic white folks is Marlboro Lights (well, when they’ve got the money … the rest of the time, Basics and Dorals suffice). Marlboro Reds are for older, crustier White Trash, mostly men.
5. Mountain Dew — Perhaps it’s because the brand name is an allusion to moonshine? I don’t know, but rednecks love this shit.
6. Insane Clown Posse — I just moved back up to the north Georgia burbs about a year ago and I’m simultaneously amused and somewhat awash in nostalgia at seeing all the young, disaffected Juggalos hanging out in front of the Super Wal-Mart (smoking Marlboro Lights and hopped up on meth, no doubt). I thought I’d stepped back into 1997 upon moving here and seeing a co-worker (at the restaurant I was working at part time) with a Psychopathic Records record logo on his car — and later seeing him swigging on a Faygo. The ICP are to druggie 18-year-olds in mostly white small towns what They Might Be Giants are to nerdy white 14-year-olds in mostly white school systems — the kind of music that will only appeal to someone at a particular place in their life — their fans always stay the same age.
7. Dave Chappelle — pardon my use of a slur here, but I don’t know how else to put it. Rednecks/white trash love Dave Chappelle because he tells so many nigger jokes. They can feel like they’re not being racist b/c, well, a black guy said it. For the record, I love Dave Chappelle … I *get* that his humor is biting satire and really the stuff he thinks about … but, you know, he also gives your racist relatives new jokes to tell at family gatherings. (Probably one reason why he dropped out …)
7a. Blazing Saddles — “Where the white women at?” Nuff said …
8. Clogging — No, it’s not a dance done in wooden shoes, as my silly Yankee pen pal used to think when I was 13. It’s basically the Southern adaptation of the Riverdance for young girls in short, poofy crinolines and dark-tan pantyhose. In tap shoes with dual clickety-clackety taps that click together when you double-toe-step-stomp. And your clogging team gets together and competes against other clogging teams at town festivals such as the Mule Camp Market. I should know, I was on the performing team.
9. Spending your money on stupid shit and/or completely ruining your life when you get a financial windfall — White Trash with money are definitely proof that just having money doesn’t make you rich, or, you know, like one of *those* white people. White trash with money do NOT immediately rush out and apply to the Ivy League schools of their choice and switch from Wal-Mart to Target, or from Bi-Lo to Whole Foods. Britney Spears is a living, breathing specimen of White Trash with money.
Another classic specimen is Jack Whittaker, the West Virginia businessman who won the $315 million Powerball jackpot in 2002. Just a few highlights from his devastating downward spiral, lifted from his Wikipedia entry:
Jack Whittaker was arrested for drunk driving on Interstate 64 on January 16, 2003.
On August 5, 2003, thieves broke into his car while it was parked at the Pink Pony, a strip club in Cross Lanes, West Virginia. The thieves went away with $545,000 in cash.[2][3] Two employees at the same club were later arrested and charged with a plot to put drugs in Whittaker’s drinks and then rob him. On January 25, 2004, thieves once again broke into his car, this time making off with an estimated $200,000 in cash that was later recovered.
On January 6, 2004, Whittaker was arrested for misdemeanor assault after allegedly threatening the life of a bar manager in St. Albans, West Virginia. He has also been sued after allegedly groping a woman at a dog racetrack. Whittaker told a TV station after he was charged with drunken driving, “It doesn’t bother me because I can tell everyone to piss off.”
In September 2003, Jesse Tribble, a 17-year-old friend of Jack’s granddaughter Brandi Bragg, was found dead in Whittaker’s home in Teays Valley, West Virginia. A coroner’s report indicated that he died of a drug overdose. Several months later, on December 20, 2004, Brandi, 17, was found dead after a drug overdose. After she had been missing for several weeks, her body was discovered lying under a tarpaulin near her boyfriend’s home.
10. Being on Jerry Springer — OK, kind of a long-gone pastime, and a cliche, but I knew two chicks that actually went on Springer.
And, a grab-bag:
11. Dukes of Hazzard
12. Elvis
13. Firecrackers
14. The Stone Mountain Laser Show
15. Red Lobster (yes, the SWTPL blog mentioned Olive Garden … but Red Lobster is even better — CHEESE ROLLS …)
16. OxyContin
17. DIRTY DANCING
18. Outdoor hot tubs
19. Restraining orders
20. Satanism
As an addendum, a few things that should be on the Stuff White People like blog:
The Decemberists (It DOES NOT GET ANY WHITER than the Decemberists.)
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
MC Chris/white rappers in general
If rednecks love Blazing Saddles, that’d be kind of funny to me. I interpret it is a vicious, vicious satire of small town America.
And I think Billy Joel should be added to the SWPL blog. I even emailed that to them, but they don’t listen to me.
every time i think i’ve exorcised the white trash out of me, i read something like this. i count 7 as things i like. phew, it took a lot to admit that. my momma would be so proud. she’d also count 20 out of 20 on her list.
my wife and i play a similar game that you describe up top – i can make fun my family, but you can’t. it’s been going on as long as we’ve been married.
a couple more to add to your list: dollar stores and yard sales
Also for the SWTPL List …
* Jean Claude Van Damme. Oddly enough, if Trainspotting (the novel) is to be believed, the same can be said for disaffected young Scots as well.
* Selling Socks for Fun and Profit. This might no longer be the thing to do, but when I was a kid, there was always someone who knew someone’s mama who had a cousin at the mill who could get tube socks at below cost, so they’d take those tube socks down to the local weekend flea market and sell them at a markup.
* Local Weekend Flea Markets. I’m talking about the ones just off the highway or near an interstate exit with numbered stalls. Some of the stalls have been occupied by the same vendors for decades, while others just show up to sell bootleg Kenny Chesney CDs.
* Sorghum. Don’t call it molasses. Oh, no. Often sold by old farmers from stalls in local weekend flea markets.
* Framed Rock And Roll Mirror Art. You know it when you see it, often won at county fairs by shooting a water pistol at a scary-ass clown until it’s balloon head explodes.
Did you see this parenting knock off? Too funny:
http://stuffwhiteparentslike.com
On a totally unrelated, today I purchased Kid Rock’s “Rock and Roll Jesus.” I also own Dirty Dancing on VHS. Not that this means anything, no, of course not…
(LOL @ clogging and Insane Clown Posse. So, so true…)
Er, that should’ve said totally unrelated note. White trash people leave out words.
One time I worked at a flea market. Jus sayin.
Dude, Susan Kishner is spam.
Thx Amber … her comment came through in the spam filter, but I thought maybe it was in the wrong place! See what a sucker I am for flattery? I’ve already got close to 30 spam comments that have been weeded out. This is odd, I never got them on Blogger.
Back to the list … I thought of some other things.
I’m sure that the (other) SWTPL blog will be on this ASAP, but how can we forget …
* RASSLIN’? This is a separate and distinct sport from wrestling. Do not confuse the two.
* Above-ground swimming pools (esp. when in the backyard of your trailer)
* Trucker hats worn in a non-ironic sense
* Shirts with your name embroidered on them that you actually wear to your job
* Getting a TATTOO at a flea market!
* Velvet unicorn pictures (even better if you colored in the white parts yourself)
* Swimming in the lake, esp. outside of the “no wake” buoys. After dark: fucking in your car by the boat ramp
More things “regular” white people like (ha ha):
* TRADER JOE’s – Though some of us trash found out about it when our buddies told us about the $2 wine
* Documentaries that expose the evils lurking inside the U.S. food supply (The Corporation, Super Size Me, King Corn)
* Etsy. I’m not sure if it’s whiter to buy stuff there or sell stuff there. Regardless, the more puke-inducing cute the stuff is, the better!
What about glittery bumper stickers that say stuff like “Princess,” “Brat,” “Spoiled,” “Whatever!”
Moon-pies and RC Cola don’t count anymore?
Yes, I agree with Amber on the glittery bumper stickers!
That reminds me of one I forgot to add about “regular” white people, is that white people seem to like plastering their cars, especially if older and shitty, with tons of bumper stickers that detail the bands they like and the causes they support. Volvo or hybrid drivers tend to sport stickers with slogans such as “Share the road,” “Be the change you wish to see in the world” and “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” Late 80s Honda Accord/Toyota Corollas tend to be plastered in punk band stickers. White people who drive (almost always newer) SUVs tend to sport “W” and FairTax stickers along with metal Jesus fishes (at least around here).
And, if you see a car with a sticker that says “My other car is a broom,” bet money that its driver will be an overweight white lady wearing a black t-shirt with a picture of a wolf and a full moon on it.
To Herb: I don’t really think of Moon-Pies and RC as uber redneck/white trash, I think of it as more old country folk or just regular ole Southern. Thoughts?
I actually think the “My other car is a broom” sticker is pretty funny. Probably because of the mental image.
When I was in high school, I had a sticker (among several others) on my unremarkable Chevy Lumina that said “Vegetarians Taste Better.” Then my mom made me take it off.
I am one of the Stuff White Trash People Like bloggers, and I’m from West Virginia, just like Jack Whittaker. Hence, the name lottoluvr. Also, a disaffected boy wearing an Insane Clown Posse t-shirt put my name at the top of his high school hit list just after Columbine. I could rattle off a list of reasons why I’m not meanly blogging from a distance, but eh. I do wonder why everyone assumes I’m not white trash myself, though.
Hey lottoluvr! I got the impression that you guys were outsiders looking in, on some level, by this in your “about” section: “We’re not even going to claim that we’re either lower class or from rural and humble beginings, as if somehow it’s all copasetic because you are making fun of your kind.”
Though I guess that could read between the lines and see that you’re just not making the *claim.*
I do really enjoy your blog though, and it does attest to much inside knowledge. I really wouldn’t mind seeing your list of reasons. I was never put on anyone’s hit list. But I was almost run over by a school bus because some crazy redneck kid stole the fat kid’s jacket on the bus and took off running up the road. I was still crossing in front of the bus when the driver hit the gas.
I know first-hand that there’s white trash, and then there’s a level below that, known as scum. Like the wite-out sniffing, chapstick-eating girl who never took a bath that gave me lice on the school bus, and the people who really DO beat their wives and molest their kids. (I really got to hang with the trash on the bus!)
Yet, I bristle when those who I perceive to be outsiders make fun of Southerners, who they think are all inbred, illiterate scum.
I REALLY really hated the rednecks I went to elementary and high school with, though they’d all dropped out by about my freshman year (they’d all turned 16 by then). Then, I hated the “artsy” kids who were bigger assholes to me than the remaining rednecks.
Thanks anyway for stopping by, and keep up the good work!
I laughed out loud at the “wite-out sniffing, chapstick-eating girl.” I totally know her. She also put ranch dressing on her pizza in the cafeteria and talked to her food, no?
Hmm, I don’t remember sitting near her at lunch. She probably did put the ranch dressing on her pizza though! I think she was one of the main reasons we had to stop using hats in kindergarten dress-up.
I do remember, though, many years later (when I was about 18-ish) seeing her roll a joint and change her baby’s diaper at the same time. Don’t even ask why she and I ended up in the same place at the same time … that’s the worst part about the war on drugs, the places my friends and I had to go sometimes to get them LOL …
OH I just remembered two things that should go on the (regular) Stuff White People Like list:
* IKEA
* Writing in L337 and/or coining new “chatspeak” acronyms with the intent of being the first and starting the trend
So basically, it’s either you’re preppy or you’re white trash?
Sounds kind of stupid when you take 2 seconds to think about it.
Anything with a vaguely Native-American theme.
Wolves, dreamcatchers, feathers…..
Related WT phenomenon: ridiculous claims of native-american heritage….”cherokee” is a favorite.
Oh, I almost forgot: trucking and/or cosmetology “school”.
“Supporting” the troops…..
You know, I’m guilty of the Cherokee ancestry thing … though my great-grandmother was full-blooded Cherokee. On the other hand, I don’t have anything on paper to prove it, at least nothing I’ve dug up.
And oh, I did once seriously consider going to trucking school — a few years after I got my j-school degree and wasn’t making any money.
Owning “Lonesome Dove”, “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” or “Walker: Texas Ranger” on video (VHS).
Ansering to “Skeeter”, “Sissy”, or “Junior”.
Water-beds.
Big-ass sectional sofas with built-in recliners (cup holders are a plus).
Hand-tooled, personalized leather ciggarette holders…with an indian theme…purchased in Gatlinburg.
“Glamour Shots”.
Owning and display of Harley-themed items (particularly leather do-rags) without the benefit of actual Harley-ownership.
30 year-old grandmothers.
That lovely “30 years of smoking and sunbathing” glow.
Teenage girls with racist peckerwood fathers and 3 illegitimate mixed-race babies….in the same trailer.
I can’t believe not ONE mention of NASCAR, having a #3 or 8 sticker on the back glass of their car.
Here’s a few more:
– Abosolute LOVE for Manheim Steamroller Christmas music.
– Precious Moments figurines
– Still collecting Beanie Babies
– Wallet chains
– 20 year old Home Interiors decor still on the walls
– Adopting GIT-R-DONE into their regular vocabulary
– Their best coat is a Carhart brand camoflage zip up, hooded jacket. (Runner-up – hunter orange Carhart.)
– Fanny packs
– Any ‘remembrance’ motif incorporating eagles (especially a CRYING eagle) the American flag, Jesus, the cross, WTC towers and ‘WE WILL NEVER FORGET’ printed on t-shirts, wall plaques, ball caps, satin jackets, neckties, commemorative coins, etc.
– giant 80’s satellite dish in front yard, yet Dish TV/DirectTV small dish attached to house/trailer.
– Dish TV/Direct TV dish attached to or set up by means of 2×4’s and or concrete blocks.
– Favorite mixed alcoholic drink contains RedBull
– Favorite beer is one of the following: Stag, Natural Light (AKA ‘Nattie’) Old Milwaukee, Milwaukee Light, Pabst
– Loves reality TV shows
– Deer heads or other deer appendages mounted and hung in the living room (Best of Show: Deer hooves turned into wall mounted gun rack)
…I got a million of ‘em — the list is virtually endless.
A few more I just thought of:
– Tribal arm band tattoos
– window stickers memorializing deceased family members
– More than one ‘Ribbon/Support Our Troops’ car magnet on said vehicle
- Owning any ‘Pace Car’ special edition vehicle (Runner up – Chevy Monte Carlo)
– Calvin Pissing car sticker
– Rebel flag/”South Will Rise Again” emblazoned ANYTHING
– Offspring are named anything western or geographically oriented: Sierra, Austin, Dallas, Dakotah, etc. (Runner up: Male name: Cody, Female name: Debbie)
fuk tis
Im cAlling kk
Dayum its like youre describing my life. I got the incarcerated man too.
oh yeh and my fiance calls himself ‘my ole man’ and i’m ‘his ole lady’ LOL