Rediscovering my Inner Prude

As I’ve gotten older (yipes — turning 31 in a month) I have noticed more and more that, deep down, I may be much more of a prude than I like to admit.

I remember first feeling this way when I was standing in line at a Moe’s restaurant (“Welcome to …” STFU!) a few years ago and overheard the strains of the Grateful Dead’s Casey Jones drifting out of the ceiling speakers …

Drivin’ that train … high on cocaine …

Then I noticed signs suggesting that you have your children’s parties at Moe’s.

“Daddy, what’s cocaine?”

God, I suddenly felt like a prude for knee-jerkingly finding myself offended by the playing of a rock song glorifying drug culture in a family environment.

You can take the girl out of the Baptists …

What got me thinking about all this is that new Sir Mix-a-Lot SpongeBob/Burger King commercial:

FYI? I love this commercial. I love Sir Mix-a-Lot. I was kind of confused the first time I saw it, though, and it does strike me as a somewhat inappropriate way to advertise food and toys to children. And what goes through my head? “Gosh, when *I* was a kid they didn’t have commercials like that, this is pretty dirty …”

But then I asked H., “Gosh, I wonder what Sir Mix-a-Lot’s other songs sound like?” Because I had never heard any. On that note, one reason I admire Mr. Mix-a-Lot is because he has gotten so much mileage out of that one song, which is damn near 20 years old, and he is proud of it and will pimp it out in every way he can. He’s not ashamed of being the Ass Man. I know, I saw him say so on VH1. Plus I have a soft spot for sellouts — “whores” as some of you may say. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!

But did you know that Sir Mix-a-Lot also is a tit man? This video made my day when H. pulled it up for me on YouTube:

Yes sir, Put ‘Em on the GLASS!

Now, what did my Inner Prude have to say about this one?

“Wow, this probably seemed so dirty in the early ’90s, but now it almost seems so innocent. Gosh, he doesn’t even refer to women as ‘bitches’ or ‘hoes’ even once! Wow, what a stand-up guy, that Sir Mix-a-Lot!”

Which is probably why he got this deal with SpongeBob and BK. I mean, openly declaring your love for tits and ass in humorous rhyme seems kind of … wholesome and “sex positive” dare I say in comparison to much more recent misogynist fare.

OK so speaking of misogyny … Hardee’s wants us to know that their new bacon burger, as well as their new spokeswoman Padma Lakshmi (who I didn’t even know before seeing this), is “more than just a piece of meat.”

My Inner Prude immediately reacted to this one with “God, that’s sexist!” The burger looks pretty nasty; Ms. Lakshmi definitely does NOT. I’m not one of those types who is easily offended … but this commercial still rubs me the wrong way on some level. (Huh huh … rub … meat …) Regardless, this commercial annoys me, Sir Mix-a-Lot’s amuses me.

And speaking of rubbing meat? Another reason I am getting tired of the tube is all the damn erectile dysfunction drug commercials. During prime time. Yes, my Inner Prude is annoyed that they air them before 10 p.m. “Gosh, when *I* was a kid they didn’t show this stuff on TV … ” Plus, the mental image of a shrively old man with a 4-hour hard on is just something I don’t want to think about while I’m trying to watch the World News …

OK, this isn’t from my Inner Prude, but when did they start showing commercials *10 freakin’ minutes* into a movie??? They used to wait until 30 minutes in! Do you know how annoying it was trying to watch The Shining on the Bio channel??? A commercial break before they even get to the hotel? And every 10 minutes afterward?

“Wendy, give me the goddamn bat!“

Cut to  –

“Do you have ED?”