I really wish I could thicken my skin. I really do.
I admit, I am touchy. This is why I never got on stage more than three times to do stand-up comedy. I have no patience for hecklers, or worrying about what people will think of my jokes.
I have the same problem with blogging. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have either heavily edited my posts, or not even posted at all, on certain ideas or subjects that I find humorous or thought-provoking, sometimes by their very offensiveness. But I have a severe aversion to getting flak if my humor falls flat, that people will dissect my every word and bitch me out by telling me what an asshole I am. Hence why I have dubbed the blogosphere the “bickersphere.” I take criticism too personally, and this needs to stop. All successful creative types (writers, filmmakers, comedians) are hated as much as they are loved. Everyone has critics and gets nasty reviews. They ignore it and keep doing what they DO. They have their fans, the people who GET them, and they don’t get where they are by running off to lick their wounds every time someone is mean to them.
I have friends that just go balls-out and dare to cross the line, and I admire that. Real comedy goes into dark, uncomfortable places that make you squirm. My favorite comedians employ insults, nastiness, ignorant-sounding blanket statements, and even stereotypes — and they work, in the context of comedy, because they make you look at yourself and admit that, deep down, you have thought all of these things yourself. It’s a button the comedian pushes — to be cliche, the “envelope.” And it’s comedy because it isn’t serious. A comedian speaks from a place of persona. S/he isn’t always like that. These jokes, if spoken in a context of seriousness, are no longer jokes. If they are, then you are an asshole. One of my longtime friends, dare I say a mentor of sorts, has always spewed some of the most vitriolic statements I’ve ever read. But, that’s his schtick. In person, he’s the most polite gentleman you’ll ever meet.
“But you can’t joke about this — this is serious! You can’t say, ‘oh, it’s just a joke.’” But when I start analyzing my every word, my every thought, and worry about who it might piss off, I chicken out and just keep my mouth shut. For fear of people not liking me, I suppose. For fear of my words coming back to haunt me. For going too far and having it all just bite me in the ass. That the “wrong” people will read it and I’ll get dooced.
I really wish I could overcome this fear. Because if people decide they don’t like me after knowing what insanity lurks in the dark recesses of my mind, then they probably shouldn’t be my friends anyway. Why should I have to pretend to be someone I’m not and walk on eggshells for people to find me acceptable. I’m beginning to tire of my own inauthenticity. I feel I have to go through life with my head down and tow the line. I’m afraid to really be myself. I admit it.
Wow can this ever be a can of worms.
I find a lot of things funny that are pretty horrible by any standard that isn’t comedy. Sometimes I’ll send Amber a link to something (say, on The Onion) that I think is hilarious and spot-on. Sometimes, she will share my opinion. Sometimes, she can give me a lot of very good reasons why what I sent her was a really fucked up thing for them to write.
And I don’t think either of us is wrong.
I am frequently tempted to say, “c’mon, it’s just a joke.” Because sometimes it is just a joke. But sometimes, that’s a catchphrase that assholes use as an excuse to bully people.
And that is a blurry-ass line sometimes. Some people have a gift for saying things just the right way where they can make a point that isn’t watered down at all, but still not come off as the wrong kind of asshole. Most of us don’t have that gift.
I have no answers, only questions. Humor can be a paradox.
Oh sure … I’ve always thought that “just kidding” was a way of saying “I really did mean that, so just stop being so sensitive already!”
One of the biggest assholes I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing was an aspiring stand-up comic I delivered pizzas with about 3 years ago. He was constantly insulting everyone. And I didn’t find it funny at all. I’m not a big fan of insult comics in general, UNLESS they’re insulting each other. One of the funniest things I’ve seen recently was the Larry the Cable Guy roast.
One of my favorite shows is Family Guy. Which I admit is frequently sexist, racist, borderline anti-Semitic, etc etc. Like Peter’s song about “I need a Jew.” But that particular episode was written by a Jewish writer, so though it’s still likely offensive to many, it’s obvious it comes from a tongue-in-cheek place of humor instead of hate. Also b/c it’s coming out of Peter’s mouth, and Peter is a moron. So he gives a mouthpiece to all the idiot thoughts that many of us won’t admit we’ve thought. Though I can also see why many people wouldn’t watch the show b/c they find it offensive.